Christmas Cheer!

I love Christmas. I'm not religious but I love all the decorations, baking, wrapping gifts and visiting family. With the loss of my brother in law this year, there seems to be a big cloud hanging over this year's season. I got so sad and frustrated the other day that I almost quit Christmas for good. Having the Christmas lights wrapped up from the wrong end didn't help matters much. For many years I've battled not having decorating the Christmas tree turn into a chore. Working so much though turns everything else into a chore. I love looking at all the decorations- many that I've had since I was a kid. My Mom used to buy us decorations every year with the date on them from Hallmark. I have some from the '70's. I even have a tiny paper Christmas card with Merry Christmas written in German inside that came from my parents first Christmas tree in the '60's- which I can't find this year and has just added to the bad vibes. I'm glad that I made the effort to finish decorating the tree even though I didn't put every ornament on it. I found a cache of red bows that I tied with glee all over the tree which made it look great and gave it a finished look. I love when it's plugged up and the beautiful colored lights glow. A Christmas tree always makes me happy.

But with my Brother in law gone it makes me feel a little guilty too. I'm still in shock he's gone and it's still devastating the the family. Funny that it's hanging over Christmas because my bro-n-law didn't like Christmas. He hated the pressure of getting gifts and just like my husband HATES going to a crowded Mall to have to shop. In the last few years he had gotten me a gift certificate from Amazon which I LOVED. He could go online and get them emailed to us. Who would've known that a simple email would mean so much to me now. I happened to have never deleted the email I got last year announcing the gift certificate. It was a simple message at the time but one of my most prized possessions now. "Merry Christmas! I love you." said the email and it was signed.
That's what Christmas is about to me. For me it's the one day that there is no question that I have a great family that loves me. I don't have to think about anything else for 24 hours but how happy I am to be with my family. This year I'll be incredibly sad that my husband doesn't have his brother to call to talk to on Christmas day. His parents will have Christmas alone this year. All we can do is remember how much we loved him and that he loved us too.