Let your crack hang out!!

I love this picture. It's of my niece at about two years old on the beach. I bought her that bathing suit. It's just so representative of her- she's determined to collect shells and just doesn't care one bit about her crack hanging out. My sister gets the best pictures!

I love a good winter snow, but I love a cute picture from the beach too.

First Funeral

Went to my Great Aunt Joan's funeral yesterday. Matt was so brave and was nice enough to go with me. It was in Raleigh too- three exits before the exit in Durham to Mike's house. First time we've been to the area since we packed up the house for good. We made it through.

I felt so bad for the family. She had lung cancer and her Dr.'s gave her 6 months to live- she made it 5 1/2. She got to see her youngest son get married and looked beautiful at the wedding.

I thanked my Mom for taking me to visit Aunt Joan when I was growing up. We didn't live near them so we had to stop on the way back from the beach to visit. So I got to see her once a year at most unless there was a family reunion. Aunt Joan was a hoot and was great fun.

So moral of the story is to call your relatives or visit when you can. Once a year makes a difference.

Matt's 40th Birthday

Matt is 40 finally. I say finally because I'm ahead of him by almost two years and he's not let me forget it. I'm so lucky to be married to this man. He proclaimed this birthday to have outdone the 40th birthday that he gave me- which was complete with surprise party AND surprise trip to NYC. So the key to a great birthday for Matt is...........electronics. I gave him a TV for his office- a nice flat screen HDTV and he loves it. I also managed to get my hands on the last page of artwork that his brother Mike ever worked on. The one he turned in the day he died. Thanks to the Heroes Initiative for helping me get it so I could give it to Matt. Several folks asked me if I was going to have it framed but I did not as I thought that Matt would want to actually hold it in his hands. It was a good call because my multi-talented husband decided to teach himself recently how to custom cut mats for frames and has been doing all his own matting. So he wanted to do that himself- so another good call on my part. His parents were up for his birthday and seeing the artwork made his Mom cry. She's so brave and she tried so hard not to. It's been so hard for Matt and for me I can't imagine how hard it is for a parent, especially a Mom, to bury a child.

I did give Matt some fun- non-tearjerker- gifts too. I gave him a coffee mug that says "I love coffee more than Zombies love brains". Matt loves coffee AND zombies. Check out etsy.com for that mug and lots more hand made gifts. My friend has a store on there and sells retro aprons, etc. called Modern June.

I also gave Matt a Chairman Meow t-shirt. Ha! It was a bigger hit than I imagined. He LOVED it and wore it to work.

We end the week with a birthday dinner for him at Bertucci's. 16 people! Should be lots of fun.


Happy Birthday Smoochie Face! Can't wait for 40 more years with you. I bet you'll still be hot at 80 years old too.

OLYMPICS 08

I'm a big fan of the Olympics. I look forward to them every 2 years- don't care if it's the summer or winter. Matter of fact, attending an Olympic Games is on my bucket list. So I'm gearing up for either the Vancouver Winter Games in 2010 or the London Summer Games in 2012. Weird planning your life so far ahead of time but that's what I've got to do to get there! Most folks I've talked to say go to Vancouver. We'll see!

I've enjoyed the summer games in Beijing. While I'm not a fan of their politics at all, the country is fascinating. The games seem to really embody the VISA campaign of "GO WORLD". I can't say that I'm a big swimming fan but I sat on the edge of my seat during the Tour de Force of Phelps. AMAZING- I think he has a negative body fat count BTW too. Sat in agony when BOTH the USA relay teams dropped the baton. I ran track for 4 year in HS including the 4 x 200 relay and the 2x 400 relay and I'd say we dropped the baton twice in all four years. We had plenty of crappy passes but RARELY a drop.

Seems like NBC got knocked during the Sydney games for telling too many stories and not enough of the events. Gotta say I love the athletes back stories and even I thought there was too much emphasis on that. However, I think they went back too far the other way this year. Seemed like there were hardly any back stories told of the athletes that weren't swimmers or gymnists or volleyball players from the US. I'll never forget in the Sydney games when the swimmer from an African country who was let in on a waiver (the Olympics will let in some athletes who don't meet the requirements to encourage sports in that country) who had been 'training' in a motel pool for a month. He came in dead last in his heat but NBC showed his whole swim including the crowd cheering him on and going wild when he finished. Plus the back story. It was what the Olympics are about in my opinion. GO WORLD!!

As a side note: GO OBAMA/BIDEN 2008! We need new leadership. Go vote in November.

What gets easier?

I've been putting off this post because I just don't know what to say. So I'll just ramble here and you'll hopefully cut me some slack if it doesn't make sense.

It's been a year since Mike died. All the stages of grief have come and gone and come and gone and continue to come around again. I heard "it gets easier" from folks that have been through this themselves. Never will I ever say that to someone else though. Anyway, I think that the only thing that gets easier is that the shock isn't as intense. The shock at losing Mike has lessened. I think everything else gets worse to be honest. The agony of watching Matt and his parents miss Mike is heart wrenching. The agony of wondering if I was nice enough to Mike or treated him well is a daily fight with guilt that grinds my life to a halt if I let it. The only two things I hold onto to get me through that is a picture of us at the Heroes Con with a Spiderman birthday cake I made him as a surprise- which Matt said he really liked and that I always invited him to go on vacation with us to the beach in NC. He never took me up on it and I'm so sad he didn't. But I did invite him every year in the hopes that he would take us up on it one time. He never did. Man the fun that he and Matt would've had!! My Mom and Dad would've loved him too just like they love Matt. (MY PARENTS LOVE MATT)
I'm sad that I didn't know when Mike was alive how many people loved him and loved his work. We had no idea what a rock star he was in the comic world. He always played that down so we knew he was popular but didn't know how much.
Is it ridiculous that I swear I see Mike looking at me through Charlie's eyes sometimes?? I swear when I talk to Charlie he'll give me a look with his head turned sideways and I swear it's Mike in there wondering how to talk to me through Charlie. I still ask Charlie from time to time if he had fun playing with his Daddy while we were at work- ridiculous too but that fantasy world helps me get through the day. Wouldn't it be great if he really was visiting Charlie each day and playing with him for a few hours each day?
Other sad things is realizing that even though we were family, I didn't know him as well as a lot of people did. Why didn't I take the time to talk to him and get to know him better? Why didn't we go visit him more? Could go crazy with asking why.......just have to realize that there's nothing I can do about that now. I don't ask his friends what Mike thought of me because I'm afraid of the answer - I'd really rather not know the truth because I'm sure it's not that good.
I'll always remember the time that I caught Mike on IM and we hooked up via camera IM and had an absolute blast with- you guessed it- our cats. Toonces was on the steps behind me and was perfectly framed in the camera so it looked like he was perched on my shoulder. Of course, Mike had to go get Charlie and made him do some funny dance while Charlie looked on like "You're kidding right? You realize that you are shaking a cat at a computer screen....you DO realize how ridiculous you look- right?" We laughed hysterically. I thought that Matt was taking a nap so we got a good 10 minutes of talk time before I went to wake Matt up because Mike NEVER was on IM much less on the camera IM. Matt was sleeping with his butt up in the air - he had heard me talking and had done it on purpose but I thought he was still asleep. Mike and I had a big laugh and then Matt of course reveals that he was putting us on. We all had a big laugh and then Mike had to go unfortunately. I can still see that scene in my head- him running to get Charlie and us laughing at Matt. I asked him later why he wasn't online more and he said it was because it got in the way of work. So many people IM'ed him that he didn't get any work done. He had so many friends.

I miss him so much. And I miss him for his Mom and Dad and especially for Matt. Mike was so much a part of Matt's life that it's hard to to be reminded daily of the hole that it's left in Matt's heart. Matt and his family are so brave. It's just amazing how they have continued to live on and conduct themselves with so much grace and courage. I'm so lucky to be a part of this family.

I keep reminding myself of that ......because it doesn't get any easier. I'll always have that Spiderman cake, the IM, Heroes Cons and Thanksgiving to remind me of Mike. And no one can take that away.

And I have Charlie.........;-) I think he's due a funny dance in front of a computer screen for old times sake.

More Cake Pictures

Wanted to post some more of my early cake creations here. These were all for birthday parties. I was especially proud of the truck because it's a car cake pan that I jacked up and used doughnuts for the wheels. The Barney and Boba Fett are flat cake pans so they're pretty easy to do. Everyone loved their cakes. I miss making them and have vowed to make time again to start back up again.

I'm going to try to find the Spiderman cake I made for Mike for his birthday a couple of years ago. I took it to Heroes Con and had to sweet talk the ladies at security into letting me take it onto the floor of the convention. It's the only picture we took at the convention that year and it's my favorite. Will post that soon.

Charlie Barlow is well

Many folks asked at the convention about Mike's cat Charlie, affectionately known as Charlie Barlow. Or when he's meowing really loud at 2am- Cease-to Be-loud.  I've added a picture of Charlie- the Grey Tabbie on the left. 

On the right is the old man of the house- our cat Toonces. Included his picture because it was such a good one of him. 

Charlie is such an affectionate cat and is young and spunky.  We love him dearly as Mike did. Charlie has seemingly adjusted well to life in our house. He does pick on his older cousin but I hope that they are just playing. Charlie has so much personality, I swear if you look into his eyes long enough you could really understand what he's saying with his chirps and meows. He's a sweetie with the softest belly! He loves to jump in Matt's lap and 'make pies'. He just LOVES Matt a prefers to be in his lap most of the time. For some reason, he loves to spend time in the bathroom with me. He's jumped up on the sink and curled up in it in front of me in our downstairs bathroom- that cracks me up. He's jumped up on the back of the tank WHILE I've been sitting on the john and just sat there like "What? What? Can't a fella sit on the toilet tank when he feels like it?"  He's so funny how he loves to sleep late some mornings. He LOVES cat nip, especially the home grown from Vanessa from Chapel Hill Comics. 

So know that we are taking good care of Charlie and he's taking good care of us. 

Heroes Con Pictures

So random thoughts from this year's Heroes Con. Yes it was strange driving into Charlotte. We had our trusty buddy Christian with us so he kept us laughing as much as possible on the trip down. Somehow I forgot that driving from VA to Charlotte took us right through Durham where Mike lived........right past the exits we never used enough before 8/11/07 and used way  too much after 8/11/07. I lost it passing the Guess Road exit- tried to keep composed but just couldn't keep from crying. I missed Mike so much during that drive. I missed him for Matt most of all. Heroes Con was THE event of our lives every year. Yes, I'd gander to say that Heroes was the most looked forward to even of the year- even surpassing Christmas and my Beloved Thanksgiving. Once there, we had to rush to get all the stuff set up at the table beside Todd and Craig. I'd envisioned walking into the Charlotte Convention hall for the past 10 months. I held it together until we walked up to the booth to pick up our passes. We'd been told that we would have passes to get into the show. We were not on the list. The nice folks at the ticket booth scrambled to get us passes anyway but I had to walk away and leave Matt to get the passes for us. I fought back tears and anger at myself for not being strong enough to stand with Matt who no doubt was devastated each second being there without his brother. 

We went to the hall and found our place. We were toting a a ton of stuff but set up pretty easily with the aid of Trusted Buddy Christian. He lugged so much that he pulled an arm muscle I believe. 

We set up our booth for Mike and immediately felt like imposters. Todd, Craig and the loveable Nick Cardy all made us feel welcome. It was so good to see those guys. But we still felt like ugly ducklings in a room full of swans. 

To be honest, the rest of the weekend was a blur. I remember bits and pieces but mainly feeling exhausted all weekend. 

 NOTE: I TRIED TO UPLOAD A TON OF PHOTOS BUT DID NOT HAVE MUCH SUCCESS. HOPE TO LOAD MORE PICTURES LATER

Here's highlights of the weekend that I do remember: 

- Meeting the guys who frequent Matt's blog- Nice guys! 

-Thank GOD or Crom or your favorite diety for Todd Dezago and Craig Rousseau. Love those guys so much. They are our brothers now! 

- Sitting beside Nick Cardy and continuing to be absolutely amazed at how he draws

- Seeing Andrew, owner of the spectacular Chapel Hill Comics, our friend. Thanks to Andrew for getting the word about the Mike Wieringo Scholarship Fund. Andrew and his wife Vanessa have been so good to us. They are good people! 

- Meeting 'the significant others'  Had a blast with Trish and Sharon

- Realizing that Jeff Parker reminds me of a guy Matt works with- our good friend Judd 

- Dinner with Jeff, Rich & Colleen and Family, Scott and several other guys who I forget their names

- Breakfast with Cully! What a table! Breakfast was $23 a pop and I'd have to say well worth it

- Did I mention Cully? Cully is the nicest man on earth and was really worried about how Matt was doing. Cully took the time to sign at our table and was sweet enough to spend a lot of time talking to Matt and I. 

-Heroes Initiative folks were so nice. Susan was really great. The auction outside on the patio at Fuel was interesting to say the least. Darwin Cooke sent Matt into shock as he came up and expressed how much he was sorry that Mike had died and that he liked Mike's work. I believe he bid and won a piece of artwork from the What If? book too. Darwin Cooke is my new comic book crush. 

-Did I mention that the auction almost got shut down? There was about a half hour of inactivity where the 'park' cops tried to shut down the auction. Luckily, the first cop on the scene was a comic book fan and once we explained the situation, they cut us a break and let the auction continue. The auction raised $4500 for the Heroes Initiative! Hooray.

- Many thanks to Dustin, Sheldon and especially Trey from Heroes who were so kind to us throughout the show

- I did get some time to stalk my former comic book crush, Tony Harris. Thanks to Craig for helping me figure out what the attraction was- Tony has the whole pirate vibe going on. 

- We raised $2200 for the Mike Wieringo Scholarship Fund over the weekend from sales of the various pieces we had to sell. We were VERY PROUD of that. Thanks to ALL who donated and got their 'Ringo button. 

- Paul and his lovely wife who came to check on us constantly despite their own booth to man.

-My dearest friend Sandra who helped me man the booth for a couple of hours. So NICE of her to come help. 

-Dinner with Mark Waid. Uncle Boom could not have been nicer and talked to me about Richmond and VCU the whole way back from dinner as I drove through a nasty rainstorm back to the hotel. Uncle Boom ain't afraid of no hillbilly I'll tell you! 

-At dinner, the waiter informed us that they had run out of bread right as Robert Kirkman and the group he was eating dinner with was leaving. Coincidence? I think not. 

-Thanks to Robert and the many other pros who stuffed $20's into our donation jar for the MWSF. 

-My first trip to the actual Heroes store. WHAT A GREAT STORE!! It's really awesome. We were told that Mike had done the drawings that the Spiderman and Doc Oc sculptures in the store were based on. 

- There were many fans who came up to our booth and were crying over Mike's death. Thanks to the folks that bought sketch books and artwork- all proceeds went to the MWSF of course. 

- Several pros donated artwork and I unfortunately don't remember their names. I don't think I had the smarts to write them down either but hopefully we can remember from their artwork. Thank you if you did and my sincere apologies for not remembering your names. Plus their generosity brought me to tears so I know that I just walked away from one guy because I was getting ready to bawl. 

- Stalking Tony Harris at the Heroes store. He picked up a ton of books there, I believe a few Hell Boy GC's. 

- Meeting Tony Harris! Nice guy from Macon, Georgia of all places.    Nice enough to let me take a picture with him. I must catch up on Ex Machina.  Sadly, he can't be my crush now that I've met him. Meeting them blows it all. So Darwin Cooke will be my new crush because I'm sure I'll never meet him. Neil Gaiman was my old crush before Tony. Matt is my constant crush! 

-Speaking of my brave, wonderful husband- he amazes me every day. I'm so lucky to have him as my husband. My heart broke for him all weekend. 

- Realized that Frank Cho is a very very short man. 

- The last night at the Westin bar drinking Cosmos with Sharon until I realized they were $11. JEEZ- this ain't NY?  It was fun though. Parker joined us. JPG Matt's flashing some 'gang' sign.........yea, you know what gang..........

-Christian, Matt and I eating at least 1-2 meals a day at Fuel pizza. Mention Fuel Pizza if you want to bring a smile to Christian's face........or flash that 'gang' sign............ 

- Several folks asked about Casey Jones and I sure missed meeting him in person. 

So that's the end of my ramblings on Heroes Con. Thanks to all of you who came by the booth. We sure missed Mike more than words can express. There is a hole in our hearts that can't be filled. 

Two Posts in One Day- What in the World??

So I'm inspired by my husband every day. He is the best- and he's all mine girls! HANDS OFF!

Anyway, over on his blog, he has put up pictures of some of his drawings, both old and new. I thought I would put up some pictures of the cakes I've decorated. I decided I'd start with the very first big project for a cake - back from 2004. This was for a birthday party for one of our friends. For not knowing what I was doing, I thought this turned out really well.

Back in Action

My new blog friend Casey has inspired me to continue to blog. So, like Michael Jordan, I've returned from my first blog retirement.

Busted out of retirement...........and can't think of anything to say! That's a first for me. So here's what's been going through my mind in the last few days:

1) Work schedule continues to be an issue- what to do? Do I want to do this or do I want to make cupcakes?
2) We sold the house in Durham- torn between relief and another reminder that Mike's really gone
3) Vacation next week. Haven't had a vacation since last July 4th. We are looking forward to it.
4) Gas prices said to be rising to $5 a gallon this summer- what gives?
5) Election! Can we be done with the primaries and get on with it?
6) My sister went to a writer's conference last weekend and I haven't been able to get in touch with her to see how it went. Call me if you read this!
7) Heroes Con 2008- I just don't know what to think. We have to go but I'm not sure at times that I'll be able to walk in the Convention Center. Lots of friends coming so I'm excited about that but then feel guilty about being excited. I will cry a lot I'm sure and just hope that I can keep it to myself and not bring everyone down. Todd had a blog entry about how he and Craig and Mike would find one thing to run into the ground at each convention. Anytime we got together with Mike, he and Matt would do that too. My fave was the year that everything was "Runnin' with tha Big Dogs". So dumb yet so incredibly funny. I miss Mike's laugh. :-)

Well, that's a lot to ponder. Back to blogging though!

I'm going to call my sister right now! You should call your siblings too and see how they are doing. And remember to be nice- it takes less energy and it makes you feel better.

Peace, OUT! (No one says that anymore)

End of the Road

This is the end of my blogging for awhile. I've decided that I don't have anything that interesting to say that's not depressing. I think I'm going to go back to the old fashioned diary where I can write away and burn it if I want.

All the work issues and the feeling surrounding my brother in law's death just don't seem to fit on a public blog.

I thank Renee (my only reader!) for all your comments which have made me feel better. Thank you so very much!

One day I'll appear on here again with fun stories of my dealings with Hollywood or something else fun. I may start posting cakes I've made and decorated - cake decorating always made me happy.

Keep your chin up and be kind to your fellow man and especially to animals.

PEACE- OUT!!

Make that Call! Make that trip!!

I had a great visit with my family this weekend. I missed my husband terribly. I told everyone we are socially stunted because we NEVER have social engagements then when we do, they are all on the same weekend. So he had a birthday party to go to in his home town while I was at my sister's house.

The play my niece was in was the cutest thing I've seen in awhile. The kids sang their songs and did their dance moves in place with no fear of what they looked like. They were truly having a ball and it was refreshing to see. I loved that sheepish smile I got when she finally found her family, including me, out in the audience. I waved and she gave me a little wave back. So darn cute! My nephew had a great time in the audience too. He enjoyed the play and was happy that his teacher in school was sitting behind him. Several of the girls were flirting with him after the play and he loved it. They kept poking him and he kept saying 'Ouch' loudly. I was afraid that they were making fun of him or something. But when I asked him if they were hurting him he smiled and said, "No, I just say that because it makes them laugh". Flirting 101- he passed! He also told me he likes to play with Tomboys instead of Girly-girls. But one of his friends is a Tomboy and a Girly-girl so that makes her a "Tomgirl" he said. FANTASTIC!!

I helped my sister with her flowers. Turns out she knew what she was doing and knew what she wanted so we dug and weeded and pruned and mixed and fertilized. We ended up with a beautiful display of flowers by her mailbox and dashes of color in the two beds in the front of her house. Just in time too because she didn't know it but her husband had arranged a surprise birthday party for her on Saturday night. Her friends and their kids showed up and brought everything. They were GREAT! We all jumped out and said surprise! It was great because she had no clue. The kids played and we all had ice cream and cake. My nephew got to show off his new Wii my husband and I had gotten him. I think the whole family was happy.

As I was leaving I wondered why I hadn't been down to see them since Christmas. It's only three hours~ away. Since I lost my brother in law last year unexpectedly, you would think I would've learned to not take people, especially family, for granted. I get to see them in two weeks though so that's great. No Wii at my house so I'll have to find some other toys, etc.

After leaving my sister's house, I went to the family reunion. My mother's side always has one each year. I'm so glad they do. My 85 year old grandmother looked better than me! I hope I have that to look forward to- still looking great and feeling great. She's one tough cookie. We only seem to eat and run though and not have that much time together. I got to eat with my Dad and my sister/husband/niece/nephew. Great food! .....although someone actually brought chicken nuggets- the kind shaped as dinosaurs and tater tots. My niece asked for squash and greens and butterbeans. Good girl!

Last, I went over to Durham to check on my brother-in-laws house. We're trying to sell it and while we had a buyer, it fell through. Guess it's hard for folks these days to get a loan with all the junk loans that were dealt in the last 5 years. The flowers in the front of the house were so beautiful. It made me sad. I wondered if my brother in law liked them when they bloomed. He may not have cared- I never asked him. We had last visited him in 2005. I keep wracking my brain to remember if I was nice to him. All I'm sure of is that I took him for granted. His passing has left a huge hole in my life too (and my husband's of course). I loved my brother in law dearly but don't know if he knew that. He was so funny. I loved when he came to visit because he and my husband would get going on something and run it into the ground. It was hysterical. He always made me laugh. He had the biggest laugh too. I don't think I ever told him how much I looked forward to his visits. I don't know that I ever told him that I appreciated him visiting on Thanksgiving. I don't know that I ever told him how proud I was of him. But I'm sure I took him for granted. And I have to live with that every day.

Make that call to someone in your family. Send a 'thinking about you' email or card to someone you haven't talked to in awhile. Schedule a trip to visit your family. Take some cookies or cupcakes to your elderly neighbor that you've only waved to on occasion the past year. Just take 5 minutes to reconnect with someone. You never know how long you or they'll be here.

Family!

It's been busy as it can be here at work. But the last two days, I've realized how lucky I am. Some people I know seem to have the worst luck and also continue to make bad choices for themselves and wonder how they got in a bad situation. I have such a great family! My husband and I have gotten closer and closer and I feel like our marriage is getting better with age. (corny but true) I'm so lucky to have him. Plus he's a darn good artist and I'm so proud his first piece got published.

I'm going to see my Sister and her family tomorrow. My niece is in a play and I'm bringing the nephew a Wii. They are good kids. I can't wait to help my sister plant flowers and teach my niece how to use her cake decorating set and bowl against my nephew on the Wii. Plus I'll give my bro-n-law a hard time and he'll kid me about how much older I am than him (not much). I'm so glad my sister and I got such good guys. THEY ARE OUT THERE!

When you think you have it bad, someone always has it worse. I have to remind myself to stop bitching and remember to be thankful. I swear a positive attitude helps to get through stressful times.

Once there was a guy here at work that got on my last last last shread of a nerve. He has no social skills whatsoever and is extremely egocentric. I can't stand these types of folks -plus they tend to have entitlement issues. I continually let this guy drive me crazy. Finally I had to ask myself why I was letting his actions control me. Why did I give a crap at all? So my new tactic when I can't figure out a problem is to ask- What's the opposite? What's the absolute craziest thing I could do to solve this situation. So I decided I'd make an effort to be nice to him. Not phony- can't do that and it drives me crazy too- but I would be polite and say "Hello" to him in the hallway. Just doing that for a week decreased my stress level by 90%. I had been pouring negative energy- not to get too new-age'ie- into avoiding him or making a point NOT to speak to him when our paths crossed. Plus I was telling everyone how much I couldn't stand him. Negative energy only made me stress more. Just saying "Hello" in the hall and not focusing any energy on this guy relieved the stress I brought on myself.

So when someone or something drives you crazy- think of what's the opposite of this situation and see if that will help. Remember that no one drives you crazy- you ALLOW them to drive you crazy. Try for one day to say "Hello" to that person who seems to walk in a cloud of negative energy.

Last of all- we are a nation that thrives on gossip. Negative gossip fans negative energy. Try for one day a week to quit gossiping or to decide not to join in gossip. It will make you feel better. I have two friends who I've known for a long time. One of them used to continually try to play one of us against the other. We figured this out one time when my friend confronted me on something she thought I said about her. We made a pact then and there to tell the other person that we would not talk about anyone who was not present. We took control and put an end to gossip and an end to a potentially friendship breaking situation. I actually had to cut the game-playing friend out of my life for a year because I didn't want to be sucked back into her back-biting and gossiping. She came around and we are friends again. It was the smartest thing I could've done for our friendship.


So good vibes and positive energy to everyone. I swear it will make you feel better.




- I am not running for political office but I support this message

Missed opportunities

Our locally owned grocery store, Ukrop's, sponsors one of the largest 10k races in the world. It's a great day for families because they have a kids 1k fun run plus they have several runner divisions and a huge amount of walkers. Most races don't include walkers so it's nice for Matt and I as he runs it and I walk it.

We have been training for it through the local YMCA every Saturday. I love it because I know for 10 weeks I get to spend every Saturday with Matt. We exercise in the morning and have lunch together at the local Ukrop's. It's our date day and it's one of the most fun times of year for me.

Last Saturday, we sat at Ukrop's eating sushi- they have a fresh sushi bar there that's amazing- and talking over our plan for the day. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a man with long grey hair greased back and a weathered face sit at a table outside. I noticed that he had a big coat and a pair of jean, both covered with dirt. I don't know why I continued to watch him.....he opened his cigarette box so carefully to light his last cigarette and gingerly fingered his cup of coffee. I wondered if he was homeless- strange to see a homeless man in this area of town as it's pretty rural and out of the way. I wondered if he would like some lunch. I wondered if he would like some fruit instead. I wondered if he would like some canned goods to take with him. I wondered again if he would like the chicken or the meatloaf from the hot bar for lunch. I wondered if I should give him my cup of watermelon that I hadn't began to eat yet. I wondered if I should stick my head out the door and simply ask him if he'd like some lunch that I would bring it to him. I wondered.....

All these things ran through my head but I never did anything - I just watched him. He got up to leave and searched the trash cans before he walked down the sidewalk and off to the woods. So I wondered and wondered but never did anything. I missed an opportunity to help out someone who may have really appreciated a hot meal on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

Next time I won't just wonder, I'll ask. Maybe he tells me to get lost but at least I'll have asked.

If you're putting off making a call to someone who you haven't seen or heard from in awhile, do it. Take 5 minutes to write a letter or just a note to someone who may need it.
Send $20 to your local animal shelter or pick up their 'wish list' to see if you have things already at home you can donate.

A little goes a long way.........

Travel, Work and Looking Back

Got to travel to NYC this week for a conference which I enjoyed very much. We are lucky to have some great vendors who take good care of me when I'm up there so I did not have to buy a meal. It was beautiful on Tuesday night- walked 14 blocks through the beautiful snow in NYC to a great restaurant for a great meal. We hardly get any snow here in Richmond anymore so I really enjoyed being out in the snow- especially in NYC. Turned out that the restaurant was Becco- same one that Matt and I ate at before we went to the Hugh Jackman play on our first trip to NYC a few years ago. Great food and plenty of wine and great company. I spoke to one of the attorney's for BOA who expressed his love of one of our ad campaigns. I was really proud!

Feb. 12 marked that it's been six months since my brother in law died. I was in NYC and away from Matt which was not what I wanted. Luckily, his good buddy Leaf came over for a visit so Matt did have to raise a shot of Glenfiddach alone. (Wrong spelling I'm sure but you get the point)
Folks keep telling me that it gets easier with time but for me it's only worse. My heart breaks for Matt each and every day. I'm pissed off each day because Mike didn't deserve to die so young. I'm mad at myself for not talking to Mike more or getting down there to visit him. We had not been to his house since 2005 and can not find a reason why we didn't go visit- except that as everyone knows, deadlines were always on his mind so we didn't want to impose. Which seems so stupid and ignorant now. Matt misses him so much and so do I. I'm mad at myself for not making the time. I'm mad at the world because it's not a better place without Mike. My heart just breaks for Shirley and Cecil too. I just can't imagine how it will ever get easier. Ever. I worry every day whether or not I'm doing right by Charlie. He's been so good to us. Such a sweetie and with so much personality. We really try to make sure that we give him extra hugs and kisses and belly rubs. I just feel bad that there's no one at home with him each day like he was used to. He gets to hang out with Toonces all day but I think they just end up sleeping mostly. Just to cope with the lose of Mike, I pretend with Charlie that Mike comes to the house to play with him during the day. Each day when I get home I ask him if he had a good time playing with his Daddy. For some reason, this make me feel better, because if Mike's spirit is still around with us, he would do everything he could to be with Charlie.

Last night as Matt and I were eating our dinner, Toonces decided to stalk Charlie and they chased each other for a long time. Toonces chased Charlie around the house several times. Charlie likes to sneak up the side of the stairs and wait for Toonces and then chase him off into another room. They were really having a log of fun. It was the perfect night because for one hour, we were all happy.

If you're ever in NYU, I recommend you walk in the snow to Becco to eat. If you're ever in Richmond, I invite you to stop in and see our two kitties.

Be kind to your fellow man and the animals we love. Remember Mike. We love him so much.

Motivation! Where is it?

Started 10k training today. Now any of you that have seen me are wondering how I'm getting 250 pounds to run a 10k. Well, I'm not. I'm walking it. We started on Saturday with just one mile walked. My lower back feels like someone gave me a few cracks across it with a baseball bat. It's completely stiff. Why am I surprised that I'm in such bad shape? I haven't exercised in the year since the last 10k.

2008 is here and I'm not motivated to do anything. This is the year that I really need to get my life together. I'm not in good physical shape- need to fix that. I'll at least be walking for the next 10 Saturdays! I'm overweight- joining WW again. If I'll just work the darn plan, I'll lose weight. The first time I was on it I lost 49 pounds. I've gained them back because I started eating too much again. It really is a life change- not a diet. I want to work on my mental health too- too much stress does not a good Squeeze make. This is the year that I'm taking stock of my life and making changes as needed. I can't live with so much stress for another year. We'll see what happens- got to keep motivated!

Had a very lazy weekend. We were supposed to clean the house on Sunday but ended up watching two Godfather movies and several "First 48" before ending with the crapfest that was Pirates of the Caribbean III. It was so bad. A huge waste of time for everyone involved. Charlie loved all the movies through. He snuggled with Matt and then with me. He slept through POCIII which is what the rest of us should've done. He is such a source of joy right now. Not sure if Toonces is feeling left out because we have made efforts to make sure we love on him too. He peed on a pile of clothes last night right in front of us. Don't know what that was about. It was only two pairs of socks that he got but I'm puzzled as to why he did that right in front of us. That sent Matt off into much unhappiness. That did motivate me to fold up two baskets of clean clothes and sort the rest into piles. Funny things that motivate you.

Anyway, this is a rambling blog today.

Let me remind you again to be kind to your fellow man today and any creatures that you encounter. Animals need our attention too. Peace!

90% of what you worry about doesn't happen.

I really should remember that 90% of what you worry about never happens. Just a thought for today. It's been a good day. Another lesson that I know but forget to do is that sometimes email just doesn't cut it. I'm a firm believer that a lot of the time, it's best to look folks straight in the eye and discuss matters than continue to sit in your cubicle and fire off emails and be pissed off.

So take the time to worry less, talk to your fellow man more and don't get trapped in your cubicle.

Hollywood is treating me pretty well today. Sure miss South Hominy some days though. I miss Sunday breakfasts, fresh food from the garden, new calfs tearing across the pasture, eggs in the hen's nest, the view of the mountains, driving up in the mountains with a loaf of french bread, a stick of summer sausage and some good cheese to nosh on, the sour cherry tree and the grape arbor. Lots of food in there...........it it any wonder why I'm 245 lbs?

Let the ills done to you in the past go so they won't eat you alive. Truly forgive and forget without having to punish. Punishment only comes back to you two fold.

Go out of your way to be nice to someone today. Pick the person that irks you the most and be kind to them for one moment. It makes me feel better.

It's Just Business?

I've heard a million times and I've even said to others, "It's just business". It's hard for me as I'm sure it's hard for a lot of people to fight for something they don't believe in. Even so, I've gotten through mentally by telling myself, it's just business. I'm beginning to question whether it's worth it in life to continue to have to keep convincing myself that I don't need to worry about things that bug me- to have a work compartment and then a personal compartment that I operate out of as separate entities.

I've been asked at work to present an idea that is in such poor taste that it made me question if I really want to do a job that requires me to do this. I understand the concept and I get that it needs something to really grab the attention. Still, this idea is just a horrible one. But, I did my research, had all my back up, did a run through mentally of what I would say to the agent to pitch this idea and pitched it like it was the most spectacular idea of the century. It really would've gotten your attention. He was so polite but firmly told me what I knew and what I've been telling folks all along- there's no way these celebs would agree to be in this spot. No matter what cause, no matter how much money, no matter who called them personally. Against my best judgement, I tried to sell this idea like I've never sold something. I tried every angle- every angle! I made our case and was rejected.

Now the powers that be here are questioning if I did everything I could to get this to happen. Continually, that's the position I'm put in from the start. There's no chance in hell this will happen but if you don't make it happen, your not doing your job. And everyone else could do it better because you just don't know how to make it happen. No one sees how short-sided things are either that maybe this works for the short run but it ruins our reputation in the long run.

I guess it's just business. I did my best in trying to sell the idea. They all don't go as we hope. At the end of the day, I have to live with all my decisions. Today, I'm OK because I did my best.

But starting "Cupcakes & Coffee" - my dream business, is looking better and better. Bad taste in cupcakes can be adjusted with different ingredients!!

Today- go get yourself a little treat from your local bakery and support someone's dream. And be nice to your fellow man and animal!